Guster Grint
Here at the Times, Mr. Grint is our resident "why are you here, anyway?" He is vastly overqualified for the position, could probably be doing something much better-paying, and really has nothing tying him here in Scranton. Even more confusingly, when anyone tries to ask, he gives a brand new nonsensical answer. Though none of us understand why this man who speaks multiple languages, has several degrees, and a baffling breadth of knowledge is still here, we're real glad he is, and live in fear for the day he realizes that he's too good for the Times. He graduated from Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar and invented an app that invents apps before coming to work in Scranton.